Her Body Says ‘Yes’ And Her Head Says ‘No’

Posted on 21. May, 2012 by in Billy's Blog

There are lots of rock songs about a woman getting sexually excited about a man while at the same time her head says, “No.” Is this a verifiable biological phenomenon or is it all just in a woman’s mind?

 The fact is that scientists have discovered that women’s YES/NO sex debates stem from the very core of their biological processes. It is not something women simply conjure up in their minds. In fact, studies show that it is common for a woman to feel the maybe-yes/maybe-no debate up to 20% of the times she’s sexually aroused. That is why she should not be guilt tripped by the whole thing when she decides to say “No.”

"Yes" or "No"

 

 

 

 

 

To better understand the YES/NO sexual debate, let’s compare the differences between the way women and men get turned on:

 Women Evaluate Potential Sexual Encounters on Two Different Levels. This creates two different takes on the situation: the physical and the emotional. These two perspectives arise from two semi-independent biological processes. So it’s natural that, on occasion, a woman will have conflicting feelings about sex—the physical feelings of arousal won’t match her emotional feelings about having sex. In certain situations, a woman may be focusing on the emotional content so intently that she may not even notice she that is physically aroused.

 Men Have Comparatively Fewer Conflicting Feelings About Sex. Men’s emotional responses about sex are often more closely aligned with their physical responses. That means that a man generally has a hard time arguing against his erection. Men, of course, are aware of the deeper emotional aspects of sexual relations. But they are not wired to closely monitor the difference between their emotional and physical feelings the way women are.

 Women Have Distinct Feelings of Physical Togetherness. Women tend to focus on the whole act of sexual engagement—that it is two bodies together, getting it on. During sexual relations, women are aware of how they are physically positioned and what is happening to them. A woman’s experience is also affected by her partner’s movements and actions. This means that a woman’s sexual arousal can reflect the overall toss, turn, and tumble of both bodies—reflecting the feeling of being physically together. Men, on the other hand, feel more independent during the early aspects of sex, like actors performing, where they have to stay on top of their job or they might lose it.

 Men Are Aroused By Bodies and Faces. In contrast to women, men generally do not focus so much on the sexual activity itself. Rather, they focus on a woman’s body and face, and how that stimulus rattles their genitals. Also, a man’s awareness is more self-focused when contrasted to a woman’s. This may give the impression that men need to take charge of the sexual activity—as if testosterone propels them to be sexually aggressive. But scientists have shown that this is not true. Rather, an amyloid protein regulates men’s sexual potency, and sexual aggressiveness is not related to testosterone levels whatsoever. Instead, aggressiveness is the product of a man’s values and his life experiences, not some innate compulsion to copulate with everything that’s around him.

 Women’s Feelings of Excitement are Conditional. Women’s emotional urges to have sex are generally dependent on the situation that she finds herself in. It’s normal for a woman to be thinking: “Is it safe, interesting?  … ah, just too cool.” The relationship itself also matters to a woman. This is why women are concerned about men being friendly, helping, and cooperative partners. These things tend to make sex an intimate emotional act that takes place with a particular partner. Sex is generally personalized, in other words, unless a woman suppresses these natural emotions so that she can have the sexual experience without the feeling of attachment.

 • A Man May Have Limited Emotional Engagement. Men get emotionally involved when they are in love and when their family-feeling buttons get pressed. So there are times when a man isn’t aware of his emotional involvement in a sexual relationship until after it grows on him. Men, like women, are hit with bonding hormones when they reach orgasm. That makes them want to be with their partners. But some men have been raised to suppress those innate feelings.

 • Sexual Arousal is Just Half the Ballgame. Sexual relationships don’t take place in a relationship vacuum—unless you and your partner are working hard at having no strings attached. Sometimes, of course, no-strings-attached does not work out that way, and a person feels lousy afterwards. That’s because you slip and get emotionally involved and maybe guilt-trip yourself over it. That happens because there are five relationship feelings that can engage when you are being intimate with a partner: the sexual feeling, the in-love feeling, feelings of friendship, the feeling of being a couple, and the feeling of wanting to help each other out. This is why, from a biological standpoint, sex doesn’t always happen in an emotional black out.

 Dealing with ‘YES-NO’ Sexual Cues. A woman cannot simply change who she is to accommodate a man’s sexual interests. And she shouldn’t have to. When a woman is feeling the Yes-No debate, she really is not ready for sex. She needs time and her own space to understand what she is feeling. While she cannot argue with his erection, she can talk around it. So switching the topic and simply moving on to some other activity is her best recourse for the moment. A man who isn’t obsessed like an addict about sex should be able to move forward with her. Men who demand sex, and keep track of the sexually exciting females, are sex addicts.

 • Machismo and Sex Addictions. Some men refuse to listen when a woman signals she’s not interested in having sex. They will badger and harass her because they want a quick sex fix to escape their feelings of frustration, anger, and powerlessness. Or, they enjoy exploiting and hurting women, and feel entitled to do so. For them, sex is not about the woman at all—it’s about the expression of male power and the use of force. Today, the majority of young men are not trained to think this sort of macho behavior is normal the way some of their fathers did. And most women won’t tolerate it. Yet, with half the world’s population, sexual exploitation is the norm.

 • Men and Women Reach Orgasm on Different Pathways. Women, more so than men, have a Yes/No debate going on in their minds before they consent to sex. That reflects, in part, nature’s safety value that allows women to think before they act. But once it’s over, men and women end up at the same place. Their bodies and souls interpret orgasm the same way. Unless—they are working hard at being emotionally uninvolved.

 If a woman feels conflicting feelings about sex, that’s OK. It is normal, not some sort of problem with her. Nor is it necessarily the case that she’s made a judgment against a potential partner. It’s simply nature calling. A woman can ignore these feelings and venture forth. Or she may believe that she is simply not ready and wait until she understands what those feelings really mean to her.

 People respond sexually the way they do because it’s a part of who they are. The only time you need to work on trying to respond differently is where you are not satisfied with your sex life or when you are in the habit of getting in another person’s space when you are not invited.

Women and Sex – Why Her Body says ‘Yes’ when Her Head says ‘No’

Posted on 12. Feb, 2011 by in Billy's Blog

In a Mindy McCready song, her date has her body screaming ‘Let’s get it on!’ while her mind is saying ‘I don’t think so.’

Any woman who has been in this situation might have guilt tripped herself about the decision she made. But she shouldn’t have. Scientists have discovered that women’s YES/NO sex debates stem from the very core of their biological processes. It is not something women simply conjure up in their minds. In fact, studies show that it is common for a woman to feel the maybe-yes/maybe-no debate up to 20% of the times she feels sexually aroused.

 To better understand the YES/NO Sex Debate, let’s compare the differences between the way women and men get turned on:

 • Women Evaluate a Sexual Situation on Two Different Levels. This creates two different takes on the situation: the physical and the emotional. These two perspectives arise from two semi-independent biological processes. So it’s natural that, on occasion, a woman will have conflicting feelings about sex. Her physical feelings of arousal just don’t match her emotional feelings. In certain situations, a woman may be focusing on the emotional content so intently that she may not even notice she that is physically aroused.

 • Men Have Fewer Conflicting Feelings About Sex. Men’s emotional responses are often more closely aligned with their physical responses. That means that a man generally has a hard time arguing against his erection. Men, of course, are aware of the emotional aspects of sexual relations. But they do not monitor the difference between their emotional and physical feelings as closely as women do.

 • Women’s Feelings of Physical Togetherness. Women generally get caught up in the whole act of two bodies being entwined, getting it on. During sexual relations, women are aware of how they are physically positioned and what is happening to them. This means that a woman’s experience is considerably affected by her partner’s movements, actions, and sense of engagement. This is why her feelings of sexual arousal often reflects the overall toss, turn, and tumble of both bodies going at it together.

 Men Are Turned On By Bodies and Faces. In contrast to women, men generally do not focus so much on the sexual activity itself. Rather, they focus more on a woman’s body and face, and how that rattles their genitals. Also, a man’s awareness is more self-focused when compared to a woman’s. This may give off the impression that men need to take charge of the sexual activity–as if testosterone propels them to be sexually aggressive. But sexual aggressiveness is not related to testosterone levels whatsoever. Rather, aggressiveness is a product of a man’s values and his life experiences, not some innate compulsion to nail down everything that’s around him.

 • Women’s Conditional Feelings of Excitement. Women’s emotional urges to have sex are generally dependent on the situation that she finds herself in. It’s normal for a woman to be thinking: “Is it safe, secure, non-hostile, interesting, or just plain cool?” The relationship itself also matters to a woman. This is why women are concerned about men being friendly, helping, and cooperative partners. These things tend to make sex an intimate emotional act that takes place with a particular partner. Sex is generally personalized, in other words, unless a woman suppresses these emotions so she can have the sexual experience without any feelings of attachment.

 • Men’s Limited Emotional Engagement. Men get emotionally involved when their in-love and family-feeling buttons get pressed. Sometimes a man isn’t aware of his emotional involvement in a sexual relationship until after the fact. Men, like women, are hit with bonding hormones when they reach orgasm. That makes them want to be with their partners. But some men have been raised to suppress those feelings.

 • Sexual Arousal is Only Half the Ballgame. Sexual relationships don’t take place in a relationship vacuum–unless you and your partner are working hard at having no strings attached. Sometimes, of course, no-strings-attached does not work out that way, and a person feels lousy afterwards. That’s because you slip and get emotionally involved and maybe guilt-trip yourself over it. That happens because there are five relationship feelings that can engage when you are being intimate with a partner: the sexual feeling, the in-love feeling, feelings of friendship, the feeling of being a couple, and the feeling of wanting to help each other out. This is why, from a biological standpoint, sex doesn’t always happen in an emotional black out.

Dealing with YES-NO Sexual Cues. A woman cannot simply change who she is to accommodate a man’s sexual interests. And she shouldn’t have to. When a woman is feeling the Yes-No debate, she is not ready for sex. She needs time and her own space to understand what she is feeling. While she cannot argue with a man’s erection, she can talk around it. So switching the topic and simply moving on to some other activity is her best recourse for the moment. A man who isn’t obsessed like an addict about sex should be able to move forward with her.

 • Machismo and Sex Addictions. Some men refuse to listen when a woman signals she’s not interested in having sex. They will badger and harass because they want a quick sex fix to escape their feelings of frustration, anger, and powerlessness. Or, they enjoy exploiting and hurting women, and feel entitled to do so. For them, sex is not about the woman at all–it’s about the expression of male power and the use of force. Today, the majority of young men are not trained to think this sort of macho behavior is normal the way some of their fathers did. And most women won’t tolerate it.

 As we look at how men and women get turned on sexually, the bottom line, here, is that men and women reach orgasm on somewhat different pathways. Women, more so than men, have a Yes/No debate going on in their minds before they consent to sex. That reflects, in part, nature’s safety value that allows women to think before they act. But once it’s over, men and women end up at the same place. Their bodies and souls interpret orgasm the same way.

 So remember, people respond sexually the way they do because it’s just who they are. The only time you need to work on trying to respond differently is where you’re not satisfied with your sex life or when you are in the habit of getting in another person’s space when you are not invited.

 If you want to learn more about sexual relationships, see my book, LOW STRESS ROMANCE. It’s available in paperback and Kindle formatting. If you want to talk to me about the information in this article, please contact me at www.billykidd.com and tell me your thoughts. All responses with be kept confidential.

Sunshine Incites Spring Fever – And Sexual Desire!

Posted on 29. Dec, 2010 by in Billy's Blog, Relationships

Spring fever is real. Sure, we think of it as a time for young people to cut loose on spring break. But we don’t realize there’s a whole lot of biological action taking place to motivate people to get it on when the sun comes out.

Part of it is about the sun and increased levels of vitamin D and how that raises testosterone levels in our bodies. The rest is about exploring the world—which gets people primed and ready for sex. Let’s look at the scientific facts behind spring fever so you’ll be ready … no matter how crazy it gets … when you hit the beach!

Sunshine raises vitamin D levels. Vitamin D is actually a hormone that is generated when sunlight hits your skin. During winter, your vitamin D levels drop by 50% unless you take supplements. When you get out and hit the beach at the onset of spring, your vitamin D levels jump back up—especially if you’re in the semi-tropics like Cancun, Mexico, Hawaii, or Thailand.

Vitamin D is Associated with Testosterone. When vitamin D goes up, so does your level of testosterone. This happens because vitamin D increases the production of testosterone in men’s and women’s sex organs. And that is what makes Spring fever come alive.

Testosterone is Necessary for Sexual Arousal in both Women and Men. It’s an urban myth that testosterone is strictly a male hormone. Women are dependent, too, on sufficient levels of testosterone in order to become physically aroused about sex. There is, in fact, a testosterone patch for women who just can’t get physically aroused about sex. Emotional arousal, of course, is different and related to another set of hormones and neurotransmitters.

Exploring the World Increases Emotional Desire for Sex. When individuals get out and explore the world—like people do when spring fever hits—the willingness to engage in sex increases. That’s because exploring new things increase the neurotransmitters tied to the mental-emotional part of being hot to get it on. That mental-emotional part of sexual desire generally involves a debate about whether the time and place is right for sex. Exploring the world works to tune that out.

What this all amounts to is that spring fever is a biological Yes!Yes! reaction to hitting the beach: Yes—your body is getting aroused for sex. And Yes—your head says, “Why not?” to sexual encounters.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what your relationship status is. Do yourself a favor. Take a spring break and hit the beach. Bring your lover or spouse, go with a friend, or jump on a plane and just arrive. Don’t ask why, just go do it! It’s great for your health—both emotionally and physically. And for your love life. Let the sunshine give it a tune up!

– Dr Billy Kidd

The Relationship Bill of Rights and Responsibilities*

Posted on 17. Dec, 2010 by in Billy's Blog

In order to have a successful relationship, we, as partners, both agree that we each have certain rights, as well as responsibilities, to uphold in our partnership. In accepting that reality, we affirm, to the best of our abilities, that:

 • We will each accept responsibility for our own actions.

 • We will assume that our partners tried the best they knew how when something goes wrong.

 • If things don’t go our way, we won’t blame each other.

 • We will accept the fact that stuff happens and that things in life don’t always go the way we wanted them to go.

 • We will always attempt to find a common solution to our problems.

 • When we cannot find a common solution to our problems, we will seek outside help.

 • We will not sacrifice for each other, but rather, we will find a solution to our relationship issues that benefits both of us.

 • We will never attack each other’s character or motivations.

 • We will treat each other with common dignity even when we are angry.

 • We will share our thoughts and feelings and will take time to discuss what really matters to us without withholding any of the essentials.

 • We will check in with each other to see if either one of us is harboring fears that we have not yet articulated.

 • We will look to the future and try to imagine how things will be when we have worked through our relationship problems and the real world issues that we are facing.

 • We will work toward our shared vision of the future rather than harboring resentments about what happened in the past.

 • We will not worry about our relationship, but rather, we will let our relationship lead us to discover new aspects of our selves and the world.

• In doing these things, we will treat each other as family and friends.

• If things are improving in our relationships, we will celebrate.

 • If things are not improving in our relationship, we will seek help from a psychologist or another relationship professional.

 • We will be optimistic about our relationship and see it as a win/win situation regardless of what happens and what the future brings our way.

 These guidelines can give us direction in the future, and we can turn to them to affirm our relationship at any time. We understand that our relationship is a work in progress and that some of these rights and responsibilities will take time to actualize.

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 The Relationship Bill of Rights and Responsibilities is based on a study of high-functioning couples. Highlighted here are the things they do to make their relationships exciting and meaningful.

 If you want to work toward learning how to do these things, let me show you how. Get my book, Low Stress Romance. It will simplify your journey. If you need help, Talk To Me about it. 

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 *The Relationship Bill of Rights and Responsibilities. Copyright 2009 Dr. Billy Lee Kidd. From the book Low Stress Romance. Copy for personal use only. For commercial use, contact Romantic Relationship Institute, LLC.

Why Love at First Sight is Still the Hottest Game in Town

Posted on 14. Dec, 2010 by in Billy's Blog

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. Then they bet everything on love, so much that it killed them. You’d think we’d have learned something from that example in the last 400 years. But betting it all on love is still the hottest game in town. Did you ever wonder why? Well …

Here’s the scientific short take on love at first sight:

 • Gambling on Love is in Our Blood – Literally. Love at first sight is kind of like seeing someone who strikes you as sexy. That releases sex hormones. When your in-love button gets pressed, it causes a blast of a special type of serotonin to circulate in your blood stream and into your brain. That can cause you to think obsessively about one person—so much that you think he or she is the One. Psychologically, it’s a little like having an obsessive-compulsive disorder focused on one person.

 • Obsessive Thinking Creates a Great Escape. When you’re crazy about someone, your mind blots out the rest of the world. Stress hormones jack you up while neurological growth hormones protect your brain from damage. This acts as a buffer against the everyday stress you’ve been facing. It also allows you to imagine changing your entire world—maybe even escaping a life situation where you feel trapped. That happens because crazy love is not simply a feeling. Rather, it motivates you to achieve a new goal—getting together with a particular person. So why not make a high-stakes bet on love? Well … because it’s going to end.

 • Love At First Sight Always Ends. After the in-love serotonin starts circulating, you and your lover have 30 months—usually less—to get your act together. That’s because the elevated serotonin levels return to normal as your brain chemistry rebalances. That’s when the honeymoon is over. Or—if you are a good gambler—you move into the second stage of being in love.

 • Crazy Love Can Evolve into Reward Love. If you and your partner have your act together, you’ll stop obsessing on each other and establish a life together. When you are with each other, you’ll feel rewarded, rather than angry, revengeful, and jealous. To achieve that goal requires that you have a balanced relationship. This happens if you engage the other four feelings of love in a functional fashion. Those other love feelings are: feel-good sex, feeling like friends, feeling like family, and feeling like helping each other to achieve your life goals.

 • Winning at the Game of Love. Marketers and screenwriters intuitively know how people turn love-at-first-sight romances into successful relationships. That is why they show couples who are crazy in love having great sex or acting like best friends. Or, they show partners having deep family-like feelings for each other and creating emotional ties that bind. They also show love-at-first-sight couples helping each other. What the media ignores–as it cuts to the chase–is the fact that some of these feelings take time to develop.

 • Moving Beyond Instant Intimacy. What you can learn from the popular media is to start thinking early about having great sex. Also, you can learn to share your thoughts honestly on almost anything the way friends do. And why not take a hint from the movies and try to feel like a family and to help each other? It all makes sense, doesn’t it?

 OK. That’s the scientific short take on love at first sight. Some people become a little leery of it at about 26 years old. They have “loved and lost” a few times—the serotonin faded away and left them feeling empty. And now, they want something more. That’s great! Scientists have shown us what that “want more” feeling really is. It’s the need for you and your partner to have good sex, treat each other equitably like friends, feel like family, and to help each other.

 What does this mean for you? If you want a great relationship you have to:

  • work at achieving your sexual potential by discussing your sexual needs with your partner
  • actualize your ability to be a good friend by being honest, friendly, and thoughtful
  • discover what good family feelings really are by letting go and not thinking of your painful memories
  • learn to help the one you love simply because you enjoy it

 Do you want to talk to me personally about love, relationships, and reinventing yourself? Let me hear your thoughts. It’s confidential. Go to Billy Kidd Dot Com Feedback. If you want to read more about how love works, see my book, LOW STRESS ROMANCE. It’s now available in a Kindle electronic format.

Testimonial from India – Low Stress Romance Works!

Posted on 15. Aug, 2010 by in Relationships

A gentleman in India bought Low Stress Romance on an online book store and posted this response:

 

The Five Factors of Love   Review by Daman Patel
 
Dr. Kidd shows how five biological systems work together to create all the feelings of love. Once I leaned that information I was able to understand where I was in my relationship. I knew what motivated me and how to explain it to my partner. This was an astouding change. I could speak clearly for the first time about love.
 
There is a reason that the relationship tune-up tools in Low Stress Romance work cross-culturally and cross-nationally. That is because they are based on the actual physiological systems, as Daman in India mentions, that create all the feelings of love.

Click Here to See Original Post by Daman Patel

Pregnancy and Depression – How are they Related?

Posted on 19. Jul, 2010 by in Relationships

Why does a woman’s mood change following the birth of a child? It’s because her postpartum mood is significantly related to the quality of her relationship with her partner during pregnancy. That makes sense when you consider the lightning speed at which modern romance takes place. Children are often born before partners really get to know each other. 

If that happens, couples do not really feel like a family when they are together. Without that feeling, partners cannot effectively turn to each other for help and reassurance during times of need. When they try to work through relationship roadblocks, it often cranks up the level of stress in their relationship, rather than reducing it. That is why so often partners turn away from each other, and to their friends or family members, when relationship problems arise.

 For a woman who is pregnant, this adds another layer of stress to her life. She does not feel there is an emotionally-secure attachment between her and her partner. So, when her child is born, her bonding system–which creates the ties that bind–will override most of her feelings of being in love with her partner. And then, she’ll focus her emotional energy on the child. In this fashion, she’ll adapt to her stressful environment in a way that protects the child.

 This is a natural biological process related to pregnancy. In prehistoric times, it allowed women’s hormones to readjust quickly, after giving birth, to accommodate to natural disasters and unforeseen circumstances. In modern times, the unforeseen circumstance might be discovering that a partner just isn’t all that much into you. Whatever the case, partners who don’t really know each other never have a clear understanding of how their relationship is evolving. So they don’t know how to respond to each other’s needs.

 The important issue here is that when a woman gives birth her bonding hormones naturally kick into overdrive. This hormonal change causes her to want to bond closer with her partner. She feels they should support each other and reach out and face the world together, protecting the child the way healthy families do. If, however, all a women experiences is an emotional blank from her partner–no soothing voice, no feelings of emotional support, nothing to quell her anxieties–she’ll latch onto the baby and push her partner aside.

 Then, she may try to reach out to her mother for support. Her unconscious motivation is the hope that her bond with her mother will be strong enough to quell her anxieties and frustrations, and stop her downward drift into depression.

 The problems caused by the fast pace of modern love do not stop here. If a new mother’s partner has not bonded to her before the child is born, he may not bond to the baby, either. He has to have ties that bind him emotionally to his partner before the baby is born for him to be a part of the family bonding process.

 All this is different when partners have had time to form strong emotional attachments before the baby is born. When that is the case, a new mother’s bonding system doesn’t override her feelings of being in love. Her bonding hormones simply increase while her in-love and her sexual hormones slack off a bit.

 This natural balancing process shows that there isn’t some innate flaw with how a woman’s bonding system operates during pregnancy. Rather, nature allows it to override her in-love and sexual systems when the survival of the infant is as stake. So, when people blame women for their postpartum depression, and say, “Get over it,” they simply do not know what they are talking about.

 The real cause of postpartum depression is different. The dramatization of love at first sight, the glorification of sexuality, and the rush to get married before partners really get to know each other–these are the culprits that eventually lead to unsatisfying relationships. And unsatisfying relationships are a prime cause of postpartum depression.

Being Crazy in Love—Why Does the Feeling End?

Posted on 23. Jun, 2010 by in Billy's Blog

Crazy LoveYou know the feeling. When you are madly in love, it seems like it will never end. So you carry on like there will be no tomorrow. Recent research has shown, however, that the wild, crazy love feeling always comes to an end.

That is because the hormones and neurotransmitters that regulate this aspect of the human in-love system inevitably return to normal. So you stop thinking obsessively about your partner day and night. And somethings you stop thinking he or she is “the One.”

You don’t need to take this peronally, however, if it happens. It has little to do with you or your partner. Rather, it involves a normal biological balancing process. So what you need to remember is that after your in-love system readjusts in this fashion–and you’re not acting totally insane about your partner–you will have three choices:

• You can move into the next stage of being in love, which involves becoming more deeply affectionate. That’s called reward love–feeling good about being with your partner. 

• Or, you can deal with your confusion and try to work it out with your partner. That might involve seeing a therapist or just toughing it out. 

• And, of course, there is the final option of moving on.

This really isn’t hard to understand because most of us have been through it. We went wild about someone and wanted to be with that person. We thought about that person almost constantly. But no one warned us that we would wake up one day and not be obsessed about our lover. This was especially frustrating if we believed that we could hold the relationship together by simply being crazy about each other. But that’s the stuff of dreams and movies. In the real world, our biology works differently.

You go crazy about someone when your levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin drop way down. Then, you start thinking obsessively about your partner or potential partner, kind of like someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder. That’s fun while the in-love high lasts. But recent studies have shown that your serotonin levels will always return to normal—between 12 and 30 months down the road.

That’s when you will get excited to see your partner if you have moved into the second stage of being in love. That type of love is powered by the dopamine reward system. When you’ve got it, you don’t think obsessively about him or her, anymore—unless you have a dysfunctional relationship style.

This might sound complex, but it really isn’t. And don’t let this information stop you from falling in love. Enjoy yourself. Just don’t make any big decisions until you have been with your partner for at least a year. It takes that long to know whether your relationship is serious and is moving into reward love. And remember, crazy love–where you think about your partner day and night–that’s a feeling that generally always ends.

For more information about crazy love and reward love, see Dr. Billy Kidd’s book Low Stress Romance.

If you click on Ask Billy!, Dr. Kidd will answer your questions about reinventing your life and your relationship. It’s completely confidential.