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Posted on 05. May, 2013 by in Billy's Blog

I am also making regular posts about love and other topics of psychological interest at

How Love Killed Romeo and Juliet

Posted on 15. Mar, 2012 by in Billy's Blog

There is a lasting lesson about human behavior and the nature of love in the Shakespeare’s story about Romeo and Juliet. Let’s look at it and see why love can be so deadly, and then see how these lessons apply in today’s Bold New World of Romance.

As the story went, Juliet had been set up by her parents to marry Paris, a man related to prince of Verona. Juliet could have carried on in a grand style if she wanted. But she let it all go when she fell madly in love the moment she met Romeo. That same night, they decided to elope. They were married the next day by their friend, the friar. But facing the danger of reigniting an on-going feud between their two families, they didn’t steal away together. Instead, they decided to meet the next night at Juliet’s home and make love for the first time.

Before Romeo got to her home the next day, he was caught up in the old inter-family rivalry with Juliet’s cousin, Tibalt. When Tibalt suddenly stabbed Romeo’s friend, Romeo killed him. The news got to Juliet’s nurse and she told her about it. Even though Juliet became upset, she still saw Romeo later, and they made love. Her man—the one she had known for two days!—was suddenly more important to her than her cousin’s life.

Romeo was banished from Verona by the prince because of the killing. So Romeo and Juliet used messengers to relay their communications. But Juliet’s most important message didn’t get through to Romeo. She had said she was going to fake her own death so she could steal away with him to another town without being recognized. Through the grapevine, Romeo got word of Juliet’s supposed death,. But he never received her note that would have told him she was really alive. So Romeo believed she was dead. And feeling distraught, Romeo killed himself. When Juliet heard that Romeo was dead, she killed herself.

People may exclaim: “That’s the power of love!”

You, too, may call this love if you define it as going whacko over someone at first sight. But the word love has a dozen different popular meanings and no clear agreed-upon definition. That is why so many of us cannot separate fact from fiction, or media dramatization from reality, when it comes to interpreting what is going on in our own love lives. And that is why it’s important get a modern scientific understanding about what love really is—the stuff that Socrates and Freud didn’t even understand!

Modern science has shown how love arises up within in us from 5 separate physiological systems. The effects of these 5 relationship systems combine—in various and sundry forms—to produce different motivational states. But despite the fact that people are capable of having dozens of different motivational states driven by these 5 distinct love systems, we call all of them by one name: love. And that is one of the biggest reasons we’re never on the same page when we talk about love with another person. We simply don’t know how to define our emotional state in terms of the 5 feelings that arise from the 5 biobehavioral systems. And that’s why we end up doing stupid things like killing ourselves.

If you’re getting confused, hang on a minute. This really isn’t rocket science. Let’s look at the first love system that gives rise to the crazy-in-love feeling. This love-at-first-sight form of romance—which was featured in Shakespeare’s play—arises from the effects of a particular type of serotonin that drives the in-love system.

When this neurotransmitter circulates in the brain, people’s thoughts become obsessive and their behaviors become overly dramatic. This creates the type of feeling people are referring to when they talk about in-love passionate romance—the feeling that makes you feel like you’re walking on a stage.

Romeo and Juliet’s actions are clearly understandable when we look into the psychological processes that motivated their behaviors. From a scientific standpoint, we can say that Romeo and Juliet’s in-love romance, biobehavioral systems got jacked up super-high the moment they met.

That’s not difficult to imagine if you think of a biobehavioral system as (1) a biological system that regulates thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which is (2) an organic circuit that is hard-wired into our brains.

With Romeo and Juliet, their in-love, biobehavioral, relationship circuits impelled them to both see each other as the One–their dream lover come to life.. When that happened, their in-love relationship systems drove each of their thoughts, actions, and emotions related to love. That caused them to focus narrowly on each other, and tune out the rest of the world–and all other possible ways love can be expressed through the other 4 love systems: the sexual system, the friendship system, the bonding system, and the helping system.

What’s Shakespeare was trying to show us with this was that when the in-love system jacks all the way up to over-drive, dangerous things can happen. That’s why the story is about being crazy in-love, not about sexual attraction. Sex was kind of a “whatever” thing with them. Instead, they we’re using the in-love go crazy feeling to help them escape their vindictive, upper-class reality.

The in-love, romance systems that got turned on in their heads is distinct from the sexual biobehavioral system. These systems involve two diverse groups of thoughts, actions, and emotions. Each of these two distinct groups propels you toward a specific type of relationship outcome.

For instance, by falling in love, you select a partner from all the other available ones. On the other hand, when the sex system kicks in, an individual wants to make love. But it isn’t necessarily related to a specific person. It’s about getting turned on and having your body and soul exude a sexual feeling. People are turned on sexually, in other words, by something that caught their attention, firing up their sexual relationship system—not because they believe someone is their soul mate.

These two distinct relationship systems are powered by different neurotransmitters and hormones. Neurotransmitters are the chemical substances that regulate how the messages from nerve impulses flow through our brains. Hormones, on the other hand, are steroids and groups of amino acids that travel in our blood and regulate body functions.

When the sexual neurotransmitters and hormones kick in, we feel sexually aroused. That arousal relates to an environmental stimulus or a something that an individual recalls to mind. This causes a person’s attention to narrow momentarily on whatever has caused him or her to become sexually aroused. A person’s attention does not necessarily stay focused on this particular sexual stimulus afterwards. Once an individual consummates a sexual activity, the hormones and neurotransmitters that regulate sexuality stimulate a different action—which might be motivated by a feeling of relaxation, bonding and reward, or one of frustration.

On the other hand, when the passionate in-love neurotransmitters and hormones kick in, we go goofy and just can’t seem to stop thinking about a particular person. This can go on for months. It involves some of the same neurotransmitters that create obsessive-compulsive disorders—what psychologists call OCD. With our thoughts narrowly focused, we only want a particular partner—now and forever, or so it seems—so much so we can hardly be distracted. It follows that falling in love is about selecting a partner from all the others and not about having sex. That’s how we interpret the rush of hormones and neurotransmitters in our bodies and brains.

Being in love, then, is not necessarily about sex. When seen in this light, however, the idea that being in love legitimizes sex, and justifies rushing to get married, makes little sense. After all, just because your hormones and neurotransmitters drive you to go wacko about someone doesn’t mean it is going to last forever. After all, when you think about it, Romeo and Juliet weren’t even friends. They hadn’t known each other long enough for their romantic friendship biobehavioral systems to kick in.

This also helps to show why so many people have dysfunctional partnerships. If you get married when you are acting like someone with an in-love, obsessive-compulsive disorder, the odds are that you are getting hooked up with someone you don’t know much about. This is why they say the reality of the marriage sinks in after the honeymoon when individuals discover the truth about their partners. Some call this sobering moment the stranger in the bed experience, and they wonder what they were thinking when they got married. The answer is, they were not thinking. They were experiencing the Romeo-Juliet complex.

The other forms of love can be explained in a somewhat similar fashion—in terms of a neurotransmitter or hormonal response to a partner or potential partner. In my book, Low Stress Romance, I explain how the various love systems operate to create 5 different kinds of love. If you read the book, it’ll give you the tools you need to define exactly what state of love you’re in at any time in any relationships. For a summary of how those love systems work, see my blog article How Love Works — The Love Code.

In the meantime, remember is was unbalanced love—without friendship, bonding, or the true desire to help each other—that killed Romeo and Juliet. So when you’re flipped out crazy about someone, you might think about the fact that there are 5 love systems and you can’t have a satisfying long-term relationship until the all kick in.

Women Love Strong Men

Posted on 26. Dec, 2010 by in Guest Posts: Relationships

By Elliott Katz          What’s happened to modern men? Why are women so frustrated with them? Why is it that when a man takes a woman out on a date he can’t even decide where to go for a cup of coffee? What is going on with men that causes women initiate most divorces?

Today’s man often thinks he’s being sensitive and non-controlling by letting a woman take the lead and make the decisions. He thinks he’s pleasing her. He doesn’t realize that to the woman, he is shirking his responsibility to show leadership and make decisions, and depriving her and their children of the leader and guide they expect from a man.  

Single women have told me that when they marry a man they are trusting him with their lives and that they cannot trust their lives to a man who won’t show leadership and make decisions. One divorced woman said that if her husband of 38 years had understood these basic but crucial truths, her marriage would not have disintegrated.

Why do so many men not know that women want strong men?

Many men today grew up without strong male role models. They came from divorced families or their fathers worked long hours. At school most of their teachers were women and on television they saw men portrayed as incapable buffoons.

Here are Key Traits of Being a Strong Man:

Show leadership
When a man sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations – and don’t wait for others to solve the problem.

Make decisions
To avoid accusations of being controlling, a lot of men have gone to the other extreme – they leave most decisions to the woman. A man needs to make his share of decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. One of the meanings of the word “manly” is being decisive.

Take responsibility
Take responsibility for improving the situation. Don’t blame others. There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman – even when he thinks she pushed him into it. People will say, “You’re the man. Why did you let it go on?” 

Here are Tips for Women on Encouraging Men to Take the Lead:

Let him decide

If he asks you to make a decision, say: “You decide.” Then don’t say anything else.

Ask him to handle it

Ask him to take charge of handling a problem, but don’t tell him what to do. If he asks, say: “If you’re not sure, do research. That’s what I do.” Avoid contradicting him unless what he wants to do is damaging.

Encourage him

Tell him he made a good decision and how you appreciate when he takes charge and handles a problem. If he made a mistake, tell him what you learned from it.

Elliott Katz is the author of  Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, which is being translated into 21 languages in Europe, Asia and Latin America. When he discusses these ideas with women, they often ask how can they get their husbands, boyfriends and sons to read the book. One woman said she would tell her husband—read it and she’s waiting for him in the bedroom in her negligee.

Do you recognize the need for men to be strong in your relationships? Please share your thoughts

Submitting Women and Intimidated Men – What Are You Talking About?

Posted on 23. Dec, 2010 by in Guest Posts: Relationships

By Dr. Cornelia Gibson          Believe it or not, women—well, most of us, or let’s say, some of us—would not mind submitting to the man in our life. What we are really afraid of is the man abusing that power or leading us down a dead end street. The expression “a happy wife, a happy life” is so true. We would give anything to the man in our life if the giving was mutual. However, so often once the man is happy then that is the end of the giving.

Dr Cornelia Gibson

Dr Cornelia Gibson

Who’s intimidating who?

 I would not necessarily say that men are intimidated by us successful women. Rather, I would say that men believe they have to do more, make more, and be more than us. In reality, we are not trying to change men. Surprise, surprise! But men start feeling they are valued less, while at the same time, feeling pressure to do more. However, I have secretly been told that the pressure comes from within themselves and from their friends. When a man is comfortable with who he is and what he is—and I might add, whose he is—then the intimidation factor does not come in to play. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Real friends?

 I have personal experience with a relationship in which he, the man of the house, felt pressure to do what I was doing. When I started to continue my education, so did he. He took two classes and dropped out. Both starting and stopping was his choice. I supported him and stood behind him in both of these decisions. His friends however taunted him in the beginning. They told him that he was just trying to keep up with me. Then these friends told him that he was going to lose me to someone more educated. I loved him for who he was, but he started believing all the idiotic outside influences.  Let’s face it, he needed new friends. They were not very supportive. I have other examples about friendship, but you can only find them in my novel, Surviving Broken Promises. I know—I’m such a tease!

Questions and Answers

Q:  Where are all the men?

A:  That’s what we want to know.

Q:  Are you intimidated by us?

A:  We think not.

Q:  Do you want us to slow down and be less than our full potential?

A:  We won’t.

Q:  You want us to submit?

A:  We will if you’re worth it and you understand it’s a two-way street.

Q:  Where are all the women?

A:  Sitting at home because a man has not asked us out. However, some of us have no problem asking the man out, we just choose not because it’s easier that way.

 Dr. Cornelia Gibson holds doctorate degrees in counseling psychology and education. She has written a fiction novel about relationship issues that both men and women have found interesting, funny, entertaining. It also has initiated many relationship debates.

 Dr. Gibson’s ten-plus years of education taught her how to listen to both sides of a story and make both sides feel comfortable rather than attacked. Many of her male friends have told her that she is a good listener and that she doesn’t talk too much. She tells men, “Please don’t compare me with the women in your lives—humph—because with over $100,000 in student loans. I would hope I have learned something useful, non-intimating, and—delicious!”

 Dr. Gibson is currently working on a stage play called Surviving Broken Promises. Her web site is Surviving Broken Promises.

I’m Successful – So Where’s My Man?

Posted on 23. Dec, 2010 by in Guest Posts: Relationships

By Randy Gilchrist, Psy.D.          As a licensed clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist, I’ve noticed a trend in my therapy office that goes like this:

A woman, between 25 and 40, comes in for help. She has done well in college and has a successful career. She generally keeps herself in shape and has a lot to offer the world. She has friends, ties with her family, and interesting hobbies. She seems to have everything going for her except one thing: She would like to have a man in her life—but she keeps running out of luck when it comes to meaningful and exciting relationships.

Either no one is asking her out, or she does the asking and pursuing, but has little success. This has led many women to ask me things like, “Where have all of the men gone?” and “What’s wrong with men today?” or “What’s wrong with me?”

The women I see show signs of confusion, frustration, and even depression. They ask, “How could a woman be successful in every way today except with men? Are men just insecure and intimidated today by a successful woman—especially if she earns more money? Or, have many men just lost interest in women? What is it with men today?” There are a number of possible answers to these questions and I don’t pretend to have all of them. However, I do have a few ideas that may be of help.

In today’s post-feminist world, there isn’t anywhere for a woman to go to learn about men’s wants, needs, and feelings. What she gets from TV and movies doesn’t work in the real world, and what she learned growing up is often out-dated. As a consequence, many women have become focused on defining and demanding that their needs be met. So they sometimes do not know how to switch focus in order to understand the emotional needs of the men in their lives.

I believe that this helps to explain the most common complaint I hear from men. It involves the attitudes some women exude. The story I hear goes something like this: “She has this attitude that `I make my own money, and I look good and act sexy, so that’s basically the end of my job in the relationship. Now, it’s your job to cater to my many wants, feelings, and needs with patience, giving, supportive listening, and romance.’”

Granted, it’s only a small minority of women who have this one-directional entitlement approach. But it only takes a few experiences with it for a young man to adopt relationship expectations that are limited to sex and “whatever.”

Another complaint I hear from men today is they simply want a woman to be happy and in a good mood most of the time. But they say that is tough to find. In addition, there are still a lot of traditional men out there who want to feel important to a woman, believe that they are needed, and that they are their woman’s hero.

I know, modern women often don’t want to role play this traditional stuff. But all it really takes is a smile, a thank you, and the showing of appreciation and admiration of the efforts he puts into the relationship. The secret here is that this makes a guy feel like a hero, that he has actually accomplished something. It’s not that he’s simple-minded, but that’s the way his reward system works.

However, if the man can’t ever seem to do things right or good enough in a woman’s eyes, he’ll feel inadequate, incompetent, and think that he’s doing a bad job in the relationship. If this is the case, he’s not going to feel wanted or needed and is going to be put off.

Yes, I’m a psychotherapist, so I know there are two sides to this story. But I think it’s important to hear what men are saying. Lots of today’s men are not experiencing enough positive feelings in their relationships for them to get serious about it.

So if a woman really wants a man in her life, it helps if she focuses on the few things he needs most. If he’s a good, solid guy who treats you well, fulfilling these few needs should be pretty simple. Give a him your good mood and compliments, and he’ll give you the world. Conversely, expect the world but give little, and few men will be interested in sticking around.

On the positive side, it’s important to remember that happy, healthy relationships with decent men still do occur. When you apply this formula—pick well, nurture well—you’ll be in good shape. Remember, men approach relationships like a job: If you let him know he’s doing well with some perks and praise, he’ll want to keep up the good work.

By the way, do you need a solid reference book on what makes for a good relationship? I suggest anything from the world-renown relationship and marriage expert, John Gottman. A good example of his work is The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Take care, and happy hunting!

Dr. Randy Gilchrist is a licensed clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist in Roseville, CA. He is also the creator of The Weight Loss Mindset™ audio hypnosis program.

Why Love at First Sight is Still the Hottest Game in Town

Posted on 14. Dec, 2010 by in Billy's Blog

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. Then they bet everything on love, so much that it killed them. You’d think we’d have learned something from that example in the last 400 years. But betting it all on love is still the hottest game in town. Did you ever wonder why? Well …

Here’s the scientific short take on love at first sight:

 • Gambling on Love is in Our Blood – Literally. Love at first sight is kind of like seeing someone who strikes you as sexy. That releases sex hormones. When your in-love button gets pressed, it causes a blast of a special type of serotonin to circulate in your blood stream and into your brain. That can cause you to think obsessively about one person—so much that you think he or she is the One. Psychologically, it’s a little like having an obsessive-compulsive disorder focused on one person.

 • Obsessive Thinking Creates a Great Escape. When you’re crazy about someone, your mind blots out the rest of the world. Stress hormones jack you up while neurological growth hormones protect your brain from damage. This acts as a buffer against the everyday stress you’ve been facing. It also allows you to imagine changing your entire world—maybe even escaping a life situation where you feel trapped. That happens because crazy love is not simply a feeling. Rather, it motivates you to achieve a new goal—getting together with a particular person. So why not make a high-stakes bet on love? Well … because it’s going to end.

 • Love At First Sight Always Ends. After the in-love serotonin starts circulating, you and your lover have 30 months—usually less—to get your act together. That’s because the elevated serotonin levels return to normal as your brain chemistry rebalances. That’s when the honeymoon is over. Or—if you are a good gambler—you move into the second stage of being in love.

 • Crazy Love Can Evolve into Reward Love. If you and your partner have your act together, you’ll stop obsessing on each other and establish a life together. When you are with each other, you’ll feel rewarded, rather than angry, revengeful, and jealous. To achieve that goal requires that you have a balanced relationship. This happens if you engage the other four feelings of love in a functional fashion. Those other love feelings are: feel-good sex, feeling like friends, feeling like family, and feeling like helping each other to achieve your life goals.

 • Winning at the Game of Love. Marketers and screenwriters intuitively know how people turn love-at-first-sight romances into successful relationships. That is why they show couples who are crazy in love having great sex or acting like best friends. Or, they show partners having deep family-like feelings for each other and creating emotional ties that bind. They also show love-at-first-sight couples helping each other. What the media ignores–as it cuts to the chase–is the fact that some of these feelings take time to develop.

 • Moving Beyond Instant Intimacy. What you can learn from the popular media is to start thinking early about having great sex. Also, you can learn to share your thoughts honestly on almost anything the way friends do. And why not take a hint from the movies and try to feel like a family and to help each other? It all makes sense, doesn’t it?

 OK. That’s the scientific short take on love at first sight. Some people become a little leery of it at about 26 years old. They have “loved and lost” a few times—the serotonin faded away and left them feeling empty. And now, they want something more. That’s great! Scientists have shown us what that “want more” feeling really is. It’s the need for you and your partner to have good sex, treat each other equitably like friends, feel like family, and to help each other.

 What does this mean for you? If you want a great relationship you have to:

  • work at achieving your sexual potential by discussing your sexual needs with your partner
  • actualize your ability to be a good friend by being honest, friendly, and thoughtful
  • discover what good family feelings really are by letting go and not thinking of your painful memories
  • learn to help the one you love simply because you enjoy it

 Do you want to talk to me personally about love, relationships, and reinventing yourself? Let me hear your thoughts. It’s confidential. Go to Billy Kidd Dot Com Feedback. If you want to read more about how love works, see my book, LOW STRESS ROMANCE. It’s now available in a Kindle electronic format.

I Love Matchmaking

Posted on 06. Nov, 2010 by in Relationships

I underestimated the future of online dating. I had said that the whole point of online dating is that it’s guilt-free and blame-free. You know, how could you be at fault when things don’t work out?

Dr Billy Kidd

Well, after all, the matchmakers set you up with the wrong person! Right? So, get over it. And next time, simply enjoy your dates. Don’t sweat the mismatches. I had said that because I didn’t think a foolproof matchmaking program was possible to create.

Now, I see that the future of online matchmaking is virtually limitless.

I say that because our team at RRI, LLC, invented a program that assesses how you will react to a potential romantic partner. We’ve done preliminary testing, and the results have been startling. Things come to light that people did not really know about themselves. That’s because we’re dealing with your unconscious motivations. This, of course, contrast to the current state of affairs where online questionnaires match your personality type, life experiences, and who you think your ideal lover would be.

What that leaves out is how you really respond to people—what your unconscious mind compels you to do. It also misses the fact that your ideal lover is probably not who your really need. What you really need is to be matched with people who have similar unconscious motivations as yours. And we can do that because we’ve discovered the five-factor Love Code.

You might be saying, “Getting together with somebody like me? … Boring.” Well, don’t worry. Our research shows that the happiest couples with the most exciting relationships have similar unconscious romantic motivations. What that means is that people with similar interests really kick it when they get in the same groove together!

Remember: Likes attract likes, which is why people who break out of dysfunctional relationships generally run out and find another dysfunctional partner almost overnight.

So, get ready for the new future of matchmaking!

For the experts in the crowd, what we’re measuring is the motivational states that are involved in creating an individual’s feeling of love for their partner or potential partner. Got it? Right?! And if you need to know more, contact The Romantic Relationship Institute.

– Dr Billy Kidd

How Love Works – The Love Code

Posted on 19. Oct, 2010 by in Billy's Blog

When I broke the love code, I saw that our feelings of love arise from five different biological systems. These five systems work together to create all the different feelings of love.  Any, all, or none of these love systems can respond to a partner or potential partner. This is why we can love each other in so many ways. Let’s look at how the five love systems work:

The In Love System. The in-love system is what causes you to think about one person–so much so you might think he or she is The One. Being crazy in love like this fades away, however, when your hormones rebalance, generally within thirty months. At that time, you move into the second stage of being in love. That is where you feel rewarded when you are together. If you do not have a functional relationship, you won’t move into this second stage. Instead, you will get the feeling that the “honeymoon is over” or that you are “in bed with a stranger.”

The Sexual System. Scientists realized years ago, of course, that the male erectile system is driven by testosterone. But more recently it was shown that testosterone also regulates women’s potential to become physically aroused about sex. What’s more, it was demonstrated that vigorous exercise raises men’s and women’s physical desire to have sex. Cuddling does the same thing for both men and women. The emotional desire to have sex, however, is different than the feeling of sexual physical arousal. Sexual emotional desire increases when you get out and explore the world. This is why exercising and going on vacation beats sitting around arguing about your sex life.

The Friendship System. The friendship system sets the general tone of how people treat their lovers and how they handle relationship conflict. When partners are friends, they are able to resolve conflict in an equitable fashion through a mutual decision-making process. That eliminates the competition and the winner-take-all arguments that are so common in dysfunctional relationships.

The Bonding System. The bonding relationship system is similar to the friendship system. But it reaches much deeper into the soul and creates the ties that bind people together. Those ties are what generate a family feeling. Unfortunately, people who have dysfunctional relationships try to bond with people they really don’t know. This is what sets the stage for having a cling/clung relationship, or one of mere convenience.

The Helping System. When the helping system engages, you want to help your lover achieve his or her goals. But some people only help in order to try to get control over their partner. Sensing this, their partner simply does less and expects more. As a result, the helper will slave away until he or she ends up resenting his or her partner. People in functional relationships have an intuitive understanding of this. So they do not give unsolicited advice and do not act like martyrs. They also know when to ask if their partner really wants some help and when to stay out of the way.

Now, let’s look at an example of how this works. Let’s imagine that you fell madly in love with someone you just met. And let’s say that you thought about this person all the time and wanted to be with him or her seemingly forever. These feelings arise, of course, from your in-love system. Yet, let’s say, you don’t know your partner well enough to be friends, nor have you had time to bond to your partner so he or she feels like family. But you may want to help your partner achieve his or her goals.

Now, let’s imagine that one day you wake up and you’re feeling like the honeymoon is over. You don’t think about your partner the way you used to, and you don’t feel rewarded when you see him or her. This would mean, of course, that you are no longer in love with your partner. Your in-love system has rebalanced without advancing to the second stage of being in love. But you may still want to help your partner–even though you’ve decided to move on. With what you know, now, you do not have to settle for saying “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Instead, you can say that the in-love, go-crazy magic about the relationship has ended. But you still feel a little like helping out.

Want to know more? Browse through my book at

.- Dr. Billy Kidd

You Don’t Know Diddly About Love – the video script

Posted on 09. Oct, 2010 by in Relationships

It doesn’t matter who you are. You could be a shrink and have written ten books on romantic relationships, but changes are you don’t know diddly about love.  I say that because I was one of the psychologists who recently broke the The Love Code. So, let me tell you how that works.

 The feeling of love is created by a biological system inside your body, just like the sexual system that makes you want to have sex. But the in-love system is different. It’s run by hormones and neurotransmitters that make you think about someone and want to be with them. You think about that person so much, you think they are the One. OK?

 So, if your boyfriend says, hey, he’s having dinner with another woman, and oh, she’s just a friend, but you can’t come along because you’re not one of their friends–your boyfriend isn’t in love with you, because he’s not thinking about you. He’s thinking about this other woman. That’s what being crazy in love is all about–thinking about the one you want to be with.

 But here’s what’s wild about it. The in-love crazy feeling slips away within 30 months of falling in love. That’s what can make it feel like the honeymoon is over or you woke up in bed with a stranger. But that only happens if you don’t move into the second stage of being in love.

 That’s when you feel rewarded just to see your partner. Three years or thirty years down the road, she’s still the one. That’s because neurotransmitters and hormones fire off in your head and give you a feeling of reward just to be with your partner. You’re not thinking about her all the time like you did when you were crazy in love. It just feels good to see her and it still feels cool when you buy her flowers.

To view my video about how the feeling of being in love is created, go to You Don’t Know Diddly About Love.

Testimonial from India – Low Stress Romance Works!

Posted on 15. Aug, 2010 by in Relationships

A gentleman in India bought Low Stress Romance on an online book store and posted this response:


The Five Factors of Love   Review by Daman Patel
Dr. Kidd shows how five biological systems work together to create all the feelings of love. Once I leaned that information I was able to understand where I was in my relationship. I knew what motivated me and how to explain it to my partner. This was an astouding change. I could speak clearly for the first time about love.
There is a reason that the relationship tune-up tools in Low Stress Romance work cross-culturally and cross-nationally. That is because they are based on the actual physiological systems, as Daman in India mentions, that create all the feelings of love.

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