Everyone knows there’s a dozen ways to leave your lover. But if you feel ambivalent or confused, how do you know if it’s really time to go? For people who have been in a relationship for at least a year, there’s an easy way to figure it out.
Copy and print the list of questions below. Study them and then mark a yes or a no in front of each one. The questions are derived from the science-based Love Code. Your answers will reveal how much you and your partner love each other and how much potential there is in your relationship. If you’ve been together for a long time, it will show you if you’re growing together or growing apart. Ready? Here goes:
- Do I think about my partner without getting angry, or jealous, and want to be with him or her whenever I’m not out doing my own thing?
- Does it feel like my partner thinks about me quite a bit without getting angry or jealous?
- Do I trust my partner?
- Do I feel rewarded just to be around my partner, and do I get excited sometimes just because my partner shows up on the scene?
- Are there times that my partner looks excited when we meet?
- Do I talk to my partner about my sexual needs, and does my partner generally get it?
- Does my partner try out new things when we are in bed?
- Am I satisfied when the sex is over?
- Does my partner seem to be content when we’re done having sex?
- Does it feel like my partner is one of my good friends?
- Am I on my partner’s A-list when he or she wants to get together with someone to kick back and relax?
- Do I discuss my relationship only with people I trust rather than complaining all over town about it?
- Does my partner come to me when there’s a problem between us rather than holding it inside?
- Do I just let it go after I get angry with my partner?
- Does my partner forgive my mistakes, rather than reminding me of them?
- Do I see conflict as differences between us, not something lacking in my partner’s character?
- Does my partner acknowledge sometimes that we disagree without attacking me personally for who I am?
- Do I discuss my personal problems with my partner?
- Does my partner share his or her problems with me?
- Do I kick back and relax after I talk about my day with my partner?
- Does my partner loosen up after talking about a stressful event with me?
- Do I enjoy helping my partner when he or she asks for it?
- Does my partner look like he or she enjoys helping me when I ask for it?
- Does it really matter to me if my partner succeeds in life?
- Does my partner want me to achieve my goals on the job, at work, and at home?
- Do I tell myself I’d do it all over again because it’s hard to imagine being without my partner?
OK, that’s it! Now, count up how many times that you answered yes. Then, use the interpretive scoreboard below to help you figure out what it means.
- 21 – 26 Great Relationship – Keep it!
- 17 – 20 OK Relationship – Try a little harder to discuss what’s going on.
- 12 – 16 Troubled Relationship – Counseling could make it work better.
- 7 – 11 Almost Over Relationship – Get ready for the breakup.
- 0 – 6 Dead Relationship – There’s nothing to lose by leaving.
There are, of course, other ways to interpret your score. If you are feeling upset after reading this article, call someone and talk things over. If you have children, think of their safety before you decide to pack up and leave. Whatever you do, remember that it takes two people to make a great relationship work. You cannot make your relationship exciting and meaningful all by yourself.
If you’re thinking about leaving your lover after reading this, here’s something to think about: You don’t have to put someone down in order to go. Just go.
If you need help with your relationship, or just don’t quite get what’s going on with this check list, Contact Dr Billy Kidd.
Professionals: You can use The Relationship – Should I Go or Should I Stay? – Check List in your practice if you credit your copies to Dr. Billy Kidd @ BlameBilly.com.